Health Reconnected
THE DECEPTION OF HAPPINESS
The foundation of our world has been built on knowledge. This knowledge has deceived us to embrace partial truths. Think about it. Name one scientific truth that has stood the test of time. Our current knowledge can’t explain our physical reality. At best, it concludes that our past knowledge was incomplete. Knowledge itself is not the culprit, but our race to control and develop it is. Our current system emphasizes improving our way of life through developing our knowledge (gifts). School systems train our children to believe that their worth is directly proportionate to their external knowledge. This scenario reinforces the concept of an external fix to improve life. The pursuit of these gifts distracts us from our shared spiritual existence. It convinces us to compete with one another instead of collaborating and integrating all our gifts for the betterment of the Whole.
Once we realize that knowledge creates separation, we can address the root problem that’s splintering our shared reality. This deception has influenced our actions since the beginning of recorded time. Our individual gifts were meant to be shared with the Whole, not sold or manipulated for profit or gain. To date, we have been unable to share our knowledge and gifts without bias. We are collectively incapable of self-sacrifice for the betterment of all. Think of it this way: the gift we were given was never ours to own.
Our human nature convinces us to align with others who value our gifts. This explains why similar gifts gravitate together. We naturally feel comfortable around others who share our interests. However, that comfort can influence individual priorities. The individuals can be misled to believe that their gift is what needs to be developed instead of their relationships.
These common interests trick the individual into thinking that they are part of something bigger. These individuals band together and find comfort in numbers. What they have bought is the concept of external happiness. They feel that their gift is their purpose; it gives them the illusion of self-worth, so they surround themselves with others who value it. This external gift fools them into believing it is their source of happiness.
Let’s take a trip down memory lane and recall our childhood experiences. Since our individual existence started, we have convinced ourselves to participate in external groups formed around our gifts. For example, our schools divide us into academics, artists, athletes, musicians, etc. The fear to be authentic within these groups shackle us to the safety of our gifts. We feel forced to suppress some of our truths in exchange to be part of a group that values our gift. For example, sexual preference is often hidden from groups. When we withhold truths, we create shallow relationships that are more likely to collapse if we ever decide to leave that group.
Think back on your participation in group activities. Now count how many relationships were standing when the activity ended. Most people can count on one hand how many authentic relationships existed when their high school days ended. The same applies to advanced education, careers, or even retirement. The national average in the U.S. for authentic relationship is 0-1 per person. The depth needed to satisfy an authentic relationship requires us to fully disclose our thoughts and experiences. No wonder we feel alone and depressed; very few people really know who we are.
The groups we invest in plague us until death. Don’t believe me– visit a senior center. I spent eight years observing the social dynamics and concluded that these centers function just like our schools. Every generation has felt the pressure to align into groups. These groups require us to settle for external happiness. We’re forced to be satisfied about our contribution to the group vs. being accepted as an essential individual within that group. This leads us to compete for success and to be known for our accomplishments instead of who we truly are.
The purpose that we long for is hidden within the gifts we master. Here’s a practical example. Many people envy celebrities, yet they follow and support their lifestyles. Now think of the increased pressure that places on them. They face the burden of public expectation. The gift they mastered begins to define them. The pressure to fit the external persona identified with that gift often suppresses their identity. People are known for what they “should be” instead of who they really are.
Here’s another example of the pressure created by public expectation. Social media has created a huge opportunity to reconnect the Whole. Unfortunately, it has instead become a distorted reality where people project what they feel is expected of them. Everyone knows this story. A friend is struggling with a relationship so they call and vent about how difficult things are and that they may be separating if things don’t change soon, etc. Yet, two hours later on social media, they post pictures with their spouse at dinner and proclaim to the world how happy they are.
I witnessed this destructive pattern while working with residents in retirement centers. Every encounter was the same. I’d ask about their family and they would take the public relations stand. I’d hear great things such as how talented and successful certain members were but when I dug deeper, a common truth surfaced. They wished their family were still in their life on a more meaningful level. My heart sank as their experience (wisdom) shook me to the core. It was then that I realized the magnitude of deception this world has embraced.
Emotionally, they all suffered from the shallow nature of their relationships. These emotions impacted their physical health in a negative manner. They had been misled by the deception of happiness and missed opportunities to develop more meaningful connections with their family. Their shallow relationships were the root of their pain: to suppress their discontent, they forced themselves to stay busy with external fixes. They couldn’t fill that spiritual void but if they could keep doing what makes them happy, it would get them through the day.
We have all been forced to experience this. It stems from our concept of happiness. In the short term, we are convinced that this strategy is effective, but an entire lifetime pursuing happiness has serious long-term consequences. Happiness is the illusion that distracts us from authentic relationships. We unknowingly squander relationship growth opportunities at the expense of our physical health and spiritual maturation. These external priorities ultimately create isolation and depression. When we finally see how shallow our connections are, we become overwhelmed. Relationships are hard. Improving them is the most difficult part of any journey. An external distraction is much easier than self-improvement. This is the danger in the pursuit of happiness: overwhelmed and depressed, we decide to double-down on external solutions to suppress our discontent.
Science and technology utilize a similar method to control pain. Distraction from pain is achieved by overstimulating larger and faster nerves, blocking the ability of the slower functioning nerves that transmit pain. Many medical and therapeutic procedures are founded on this gate-control phenomenon. Here is a practical example of this principle: imagine you bump your head. Your first reaction is to rub it. As you rub it, you activate the larger sensory nerves and they overshadow and dampen the feeling of pain. It is a distraction technique.
Just as in the gate-control theory, we choose to overstimulate our mind by staying busy with external tasks, keeping us mentally distracted. At best, this distraction manages the individual’s short-term mental health and physical health. In the long-term, it contributes to overwhelming dysfunction.
I was sold on this principle. My life revolved around my external solutions. I cycled through sports, hunting and fishing. Once the addiction to the external fix wasn’t satisfying me anymore, I’d find another challenge. This is how we consume our precious time. This happiness-driven distortion limits our spiritual journey and separates us within the Whole.
You see, before we die, our happiness is stripped away. The illusion of happiness begins to vanish as our physical and mental functions break down. As we continue to age, we become unable to perform the activities that once made us happy. In the end, we awake to the reality that the void in our hearts is yet to be satisfied. We discover that the instant gratification of happiness has left us feeling hollow and empty inside.
Working with retired seniors changed the way I viewed life. I would ask all of them why they were still here, and a common, haunting answer would follow: “I’m not sure, but I had a good life. Now it’s my families turn.” I didn’t understand what they meant by “had,” they were sitting right in front of me. Remember, we can’t have it both ways. They had more purpose then, and less now; how was that possible?
I would explain the spiritual root of their pain and encourage them to share how they really felt with their families. Their responses all held had a common trend: they didn’t want to worry their families. They were so busy with their own lives and didn’t need the guilt or burden of knowing their truth. My patients continued to communicate with their family through PR relations. They wanted to be part of something more, but they didn’t know how. The deeper connections they yearned for had been hidden from them by their individual pursuit of happiness. We have all been forced into this destructive cycle.
It made me sad to see my patients avoiding their responsibility to communicate how they felt to their families. They were unable to break free from this vicious cycle. The disorientation of external happiness was simply too much to overcome. Their self-based priorities hindered the truths required to form authentic relationships. If only they could have known their purpose wasn’t to feel happy– it was to feel Whole. When we feel Whole, we feel loved, respected, understood and necessary. Every one of us deserves to feel this way.
Humanity is currently suffering. We continue to invest in our individual pursuit of happiness, which is, at best, a short-term strategy. Think we’re happy? Think again. Anti-depressants are one of the most prescribed medications. The new trend in health is fighting depression and the negative effects that it has on our health. Recent studies are linking depression to potential genetic mutations that were once thought to be hereditary. Every condition known is affected by our emotional attitude. Immune function is suppressed in a depressive state and we become more vulnerable to disease and infection. Researchers now speculate that depression can increase morbidity as much as 45 percent and dementia by a staggering 64 percent.
Anti-depressants are also helpful in pain management. Research has found that certain emotions impair proper function and increase an inflammatory response, predisposing us to increased pain. This should be a huge red flag, as we now use “happy pills” to combat physical pain.
Along with anti-depressants is the use of medical marijuana to promote an altered sense of well-being. I have used and enjoyed marijuana but, trust me, this is not the solution to spiritual well-being. Whether pharmaceutical or natural remedies, they are still external fixes. Our spiritual desire to reconnect is the only remedy that will ultimately allow us to feel Whole.
Think of what this pursuit of happiness has done to our children. Technological advancements allow our children instant gratification. They unknowingly isolate themselves as they leap between external distractions. Medically, they suffer from anxiety, ADD, ADHD, etc., yet what they truly suffer from is the failure to connect with others at an authentic level.
Technology compounded this problem and proportionally created more isolation. Don’t misinterpret this; previous generations were no more authentic. However, they certainly did not have access to as many distractions. The common denominator throughout history is the failure to reconnect. This becomes more difficult as knowledge expands, as do our distractions.
This is the seed we have sown: we have been fooled in investing our lives and now our children’s lives on the illusion of happiness. Even the foundation of raising our children centers on what makes them happy. We want to give them all the things that we didn’t experience and more. This is another red flag.
Test this wisdom: sit down and have a family discussion. Ask your children what their favorite thing about you is. At the time I did this, my boys were six and nine, respectively. Both my wife and I were shocked by their answers. It wasn’t us that they remembered, it was their external experiences of being with us. What’s wrong with that? Well, they hardly knew either of us.
This is because we used to parent from a PR platform. Ultimately, we were scared to fully disclose our experiences, so we tried to teach our children how to avoid the same mistakes that we made without sharing all the dirty details. We worried it would be counterproductive. We decided to filter certain experiences because we thought they wouldn’t understand. We feared they might lose respect for us, share these experiences without our consent, or use them against us. But the sad reality is that they never really got to know us.
Children are equals; they’re our classmates in life. They are here as gifts to help us transform. Instead of connecting with them through truth and vulnerability, we try to teach them from a PR platform. This creates confusion and hinders their understanding of us. They are forced to spend a lifetime trying to find their authenticity in a world that refuses to be authentic with them.
Our children have become part of the collective distortion that our society has embraced. This problem has spread through every generation and has amplified with the expansion of knowledge. This deception does not discriminate. Our desire to be happy has alienated the spiritual purpose behind physical incarnation.
I challenge you to connect with the people around you. It is never too late to change. Fulfill your gift of authenticity and embrace transformation within the Divine Body. The truth you discover and the relationships you share will be the catalyst that transforms the individual within the Whole.